A rather awkward and uncomfortable side to this life is the “pedestalization” which we undergo as missionaries. During a refreshing and grounded conversation with two visitors, both volunteers who survived the earthquake and have returned since to work, we spoke of how we have all reacted adversely to the near-idolization we have all experienced. It is a disturbing phenomenon, though understandable, as I have certainly fallen guilty of the same type of thinking, about friends and popular personalities. During my visit home, I heard many say, “I could never do what you do – I think it is amazing and you are amazing!” or the like. One aspect of that statement is true – the work in which I have the privilege of participating is truly amazing and awe-inducing. But I must disagree with the other two parts of the comment!
To those who think that they could “never” do what I am doing – all I ask is that you respond to the urging that is in your heart to serve in whatever capacity God is calling you to. I am a firm believer that we are given the grace to do exactly what is asked of us in the moment, whether it is working in the orphanages and hospitals of Haiti or caring for the home you live in, cooking dinner for your family; whether it is working long hours at your chosen profession or spending the day in prayer or meditation within the confines of your room, whether creating the best artwork you can or diligently working a difficult job to provide for those you love. The fact is that if you are responding to or pursuing the desire of your heart, if you are doing what you believe is right, and if you are determined to leave the world changed a bit for the better, then you are doing the exact same thing I am doing. The ways that our lives and gifts are used are different, but are no less important if spent within the same few square miles, versus the corners of the world. I remember holding myself to a ridiculous standard, believing that there was no mission or profession as noble as that of international missions, and that any job I might look for in the States would not be enough for God to be satisfied with me. What a lie! I have had the privilege of working in the developing world for many years since my first college graduation 12 years ago, but just as critical was my summer working as a home health care aide, caring for a woman with post-polio syndrome and spending hours each night making her comfortable. Just as important was learning to host at a restaurant, or learning good customer service at a local bread franchise, or cleaning the bathrooms at a medical office.
During the four years I spent working at an elite hospital, caring for critically ill children and their families, I still had yearnings for international work, but thank goodness I was able to begin learning from my little patients and their absolutely heroic parents. Their mission was to love their little children through perilous surgery and recovery, with potentially years of chronic illness. For some it became sharing their grief publicly and reaching others with an excruciating legacy. Over and over and over again in my mind and heart, I could observe how personal each individual's mission is meant to be. And just as important to one family member as the nurse caring for their child, might be the cleanliness of the room or the quality of the food or the freshness of clean blankets or sheets, or the availability of a particular toy or movie, or the heat or cold in the room, or the smile on the face of the person transporting them to surgery. These aspects of patient care had nothing to do with how good of a nurse I was – they were provided by people perhaps seen as behind the scenes or brushed off without a second thought.
And to the third part of the statement – the “you are amazing” part – it could not be more untrue! As my fellow volunteers and I will gladly attest and willingly admit, we are sorely human, the weakest of the weak. I have negative thoughts, I have experienced depression and given in to despair, I complain, I doubt my abilities, I am sure I annoy my roommate, (though she is too kind to say anything), I miss the creature comforts of home, I obsess over what I will wear to work (yes, even here!), and I could go on indefinitely about my negative attributes. We are all usually good at doing so. The underlying wonderful gift in this situation we must be willing to recognize is that we are inherently weak and imperfect, but we are given a remarkable opportunity. We are entrusted with the formidable task and responsibility of living this life in the service of others. This much may go against the popular grain of “looking out for Number One,” which seems to be the trend. But I can assure you that when, in spite of (or even because of) my weakness and acknowledged ineptness, I step forward in solidarity and choose to humbly walk in acceptance of my imperfection, a perfect love can be demonstrated through me. That is the amazing part – the Power that works through imperfect, fragile people and affects transformation in minds, hearts and lives. The Power that changes the world.
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